Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Something bigger than me.

I have eight minutes right now before my advanced composition class starts... and I have decided that I need to get blog posts in whenever I can. I want my blog to be representative of my actual life-- with the flavor of my life. Lives have flavors, you know. They don't all taste the same.

So here's something that happened yesterday. I was thinking about depressing things, and I started to get really... well, depressed. I am a deeply emotional person, and sometimes my emotions rush through me so powerfully that I can barely cope. I tend to get lonely. Solitude is not always bad, but I can take it too far. So this familiar scene played out last night of me sitting on the couch staring off into space and feeling sad. I had finished all my homework and reading for the week, and there was nothing responsible to distract me.

Paul had downloaded a song for me from OCremix, which is a website where composers remix (or rewrite with their own twist) music from video games. My absolute favorite song is from Final Fantasy 6, and I am totally in love with a certain remix. I turned it on, and the emotions came howling at me. It nearly overwhelmed me.

But I had a little thought, "I should use these emotions."

So I went looking for a pencil, and I found a piece of printer paper. I put the pencil to the paper, and I let the emotions flow right from the music, into my soul, down into the pencil, and onto the paper. A drawing was born of a young girl (probably 13 or so) looking up. She is standing in a desert with a mesa in the background and a few scattered bushes. Mostly the backdrop is empty and wide, showing the vastness of the world. And the girl-- she is small compared to all that. I titled the drawing, "Something bigger than me."

When I was done, I felt better. The emotions had calmed, and I had made something beautiful. I was grateful, then, to be alone. I was grateful that I had the emotions, even the strong whirlwind. I thought if I could just use them... I could make the world more beautiful.