The smell of paper.

Yesterday we had a game night with some friends from our ward. One of them is a writer and he has just given his first completed novel to an editor. He also gave me a copy of his manuscript since I'm a writer too and he hopes to recieve valuable feedback.

I haven't actually read his work yet, but I got excited holding a completed novel in my hands. (Not to mention that alluring smell of paper that any book lover cannot deny!) There's something so encouraging to me about seeing that someone else has done it and it makes me feel like I can too. Publishing isn't the mark of a good writer, as I have disdainfully expressed in a previous blog. However, I still confess that I am a dreamer by nature and the dream of making money from my writing never quite goes away. More important than monetary gain, though, is the outreach of a published work. How can writing influence people if they can never have access to it? Literature has tremendous power to influence humanity and I want to be part of that.

I guess writers need other writers because we can remind each other that what we are attempting to do is indeed worthwhile. And besides, it's fun!

The gods of the rain forest hate me for being the paper monger.

Oh, my. Out of four classes, I have two which don't require the students to buy a text book. I was thinking, "Yes! I can save hundreds of dollars!" That was until I went to the computer lab and printed all fifty pages of readings for the next class period. Saving money or not, it is tedious to stand there watching each page print out one at a time. At this colosal rate, I will use my 200 free pages in a week and a half! And if I print things at home, it will be ridiculous to be buying a new print cartridge every week!

It's all just seeming a little extreme to me.

But let us take a moment to rejoice that after this semester, I will be all finished completely and forever with General Ed classes. It gives some reason to all the madness......

Buses of doom!

Well, Paul and I are just about fed up with the public transportation system in Provo. We were thinking of holding off buying a car and just taking the buses around. (Paul working on campus, that is.) But after about two days of tromping around in slush and water without waterproof shoes and spending literally hours standing in the cold at bus stops for buses that never quite show up. I was so fed up yesterday that the first thing I said when I actually made it home was, "Oh, we are getting a car- as soon as we possibly can!"

Aparently, UTA wasn't prepared for all the snow or they probably have some other excuse, but it was RIDICULOUS! It was miraculous that I actually made it to class today. Sheesh!

Anyway, that is my latest rant...

A bleak look at my pathetic health.

I tend to be thinking about things a great deal and I realize that occassionally I should write about the things that are actually going on in my life. I just don't want to always be writing that I felt sick today, yet again, because that just couldn't be all that interesting to read. Paul is pretty used to my stupid health, but I wish I could actually go a few consecutive days without feeling terrible once. I usually feel quite sick for at least a couple of hours every day. I don't know why, but it can be severe and it is just something I have to live with.

I'm actually going to see a doctor today because (who's surpised?) I have yet another infection. This one, I think, is a kidney infection, although I'm not expert in the differences between infections. If I get stressed, my blood sugar shoots up high and all it takes is a few hours of high blood sugar for me to get all kinds of infections. It's pretty crazy how that happens.

While I'm out, though, I'm going to get a haircut. I think I will have three or four inches cut off so I can have nice new hair for school tomorrow. No more frizz ball for me!

Learning to stand.

Yesterday at church I was holding my friend's baby. He's four or five months old and is still just tiny. He kept wanting to stand up and I held him steady while he practiced shifting his weight.

It occured to me that human beings cannot develop on their own. A baby needs someone to hold him up while he learns to stand. Not only does he need the physical support, but he needs the trusted hands of someone who will support him in the emotional areas of his life.

We don't really change even though we grow up and become physically independent on many levels from other people; we continue to need the emotional support of other people. Thinking of it from the other direction, we all have tremendous power in the lives of everyone around us. We can fill the basic human needs for love, support, and firm dependable relationships in other's lives- or we can think only of ourselves. . .

It's easy to become self-absorbed, especially when I don't feel well. One of my goals for this year is to make a conscious effort to think of other people. I can always do more to be a better friend and to build my family relationships. The support I can offer may be just what someone needs to learn to stand on their own feet in some area of their life.

Ed-u-cation.

I'm trying to fortify myself for the coming week. The first day of school is Wednesday, and I feel anxious for it to come. At the same time, I'm already inwardly groaning at the workload I know I will have. Readings and more readings, papers to write, and algebra problems.... No offense to you math people out there, but math pretty much sucks if you ask me.

I love school, though, even if I have to take certain classes against my will. The experience of learning is simply invaluable. I tried the life of just working a low-wage job for the first year of my marriage. Frankly, it didn't remotely satisfy me. I just had to get back to school. I love the feeling that my world is growing, that my perspectives are expanding. There is so much to learn and I just don't see how I can write about life if I don't go to school to learn about it. Considering that most of the people in the history of the world were illiterate and had no opportunity whatsoever to recieve an education, I am filled with gratitude at the opportunities of this day and age- and in this country.

Yay for school!

On publication.

I'm on the trail of a new writing project and by that I mean that I have to do a whole lot of research. That is a large part of a writer's life and the other large part is simply the work. I have lost all my faith in talent, since that seems to be rather peripheral. I could list a whole lot of talented people who don't research and don't take the time to work hard. So they get nowhere.

I don't necessarily get anywhere either- not yet. But I plan to. I don't care so much anymore about publishing. All that being published means is that someone at a publishing company thought that your work would sell. That's it. I've read books about publishing and that seems to be indicated over and over again. You convince the right person that people will buy your book and you're in. It's not a measure of how good your work is or if the publisher even likes it.

I've come to an understanding with myself that monetary success is not really my goal as a writer anyone. Learning to speak to other people and expressing myself in a way that can reach others is a much better goal. Of course I'm working on a book, but I will not gauge my success on publication. Isn't that missing the point?